Monday, August 29, 2011

THe new happy hour

There is a time in the day, that when you have a small child, your life becomes a living hell. Late afternoon is unbearable, right up until dinner is eaten, cleaned up off the floor and dishes washed, does it become bearable. I now understand the concept of happy hour. I know lots of people that when they get off work they rush over to the bar to save a few bucks on a drink or two to de-stress from their day. That is all good and lovely but i cannot take my two year old to the bar without having child protective services haul me away. Stay at home parents need a break too (maybe more so), especially if your day has been one of those you would rather forget, but since walls have been drawn on and tantrums have been thrown, it will be a day your brain won't let you forget. This is why i am instating the three tiered happy hour. The starting hour is flexible, 3pm sure, 4pm why not, and 5pm yes hurry up! This is when you start to calm down, nerves are beginning to be defrayed and your life is becoming happy, hence happy hour. This is also the time that you are trying to throw something from your fridge in to a frying pan and hoping that it comes out edible. The happy hour assists nicely in the mania that is trying to plan meals. What’s that, small child?? You only want to eat fruit snacks for dinner? Oh silly silly, you are going to sit in your chair and eat this pork chop whether you like it or not! Mommy has had a couple drinks, so don’t think that you will wear me out with your whining, i just might pass out, but then at least i will be oblivious and getting some sleep! Once you are moving in the direction of happy and you’re still standing, you can then transition in to happier territory, since you have already begun the slow and steady slide down the slippery slope of vodka (or whatever your alcohol of choice is), at this point, you should be happier. Dinner is probably on the table, or the floor, in the case of our house, but everyone is eating something at the very minimum, even if there is still the yelling for snacks! If you dare venture in to the hour that is sometimes the most difficult but final victory and bedtime is near, then you will become the happiest yet. Another drink eases the pain that is reading Good Night Moon and singing wheels on the bus fifty million times. Oh hooray again, again! Alright, small child, right after mommy drinks a little more mind eraser. I know this may sound bad but let’s just admit what we are all really thinking. Obviously we love our children but sometimes...sometimes, we just need that little something to take the edge off. Don’t feel guilty, guilt already takes up residence in other parts of our lives, don’t let it when it comes to staying cool and collected at the most critical time of day. I give you all permission to create your own happy hour(s)!