A bit of fiction

She wanted to live her life as if everyday could be her last. She wanted to take risks, love with out abandon and have many more children. She wanted to live differently, maybe by the sea or perhaps on the edge of a great mountain cliff. Then other times she found the everyday conveniences of the city, such as coffee around the corner or a quick movie with a friend, to be comforting. If she decided that that day she desired a vanilla cone dipped in cherry, it was there, just up the road. Really, she could give in to any craving or longing she had whenever she felt like it.
There were times though, when she felt great despair. Getting her son ready for school everyday, cooking and cleaning while her husband worked long hours were beginning to take their toll. Some days she could barely will herself to get out of bed. Changing a diaper felt like she had walked ten miles and getting dressed seemed like an all together pointless activity. She couldn't figure out why doing the dishes one day was a simple task, one that took little effort whereas, other days the simple act of opening her eyes felt like a weight that she was unprepared to lift. For many years these moods would plague her existence, until one day. The mail came as usual that day. Catalogs, bills, coupons to the local pizza place and then a letter, addressed to her. She looked for a return address, but nothing gave any clues as to who it was from. Inside it read All along I knew it was you, it's always been you. I'm ready if you are... ......to be continued

December

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Everlasting beauty

This is my grandmother Ruth, or Gaca as I have called her all my life. She was probably in her 30's early 40's in this picture. Her beauty to me is timeless. Her hair was always done and her cheeks always flush from working endlessly around a hot stove. Even today, at 83, she still finds it necessary and important to go out of the house with her hair permed and lipstick applied. It doesn't matter if we are just going down the road for a quick bite to eat. There is something nostalgic to me about the older generation, the way they get fancy to go out for a meal. It shows they value the time and the money they are spending and the company that they are choosing to dine with. My generation is casual, maybe excessively so and I find myself longing for simpler times when people really made it an occasion when going out.
I love looking at old photographs. I try to imagine what was happening on that particular day in that person's life. I want to know who took the photo and for what purpose. Photographs are magical to me. They capture an image, a particular moment in time that will never be the exact same again. In photography, there is always more than meets the eye.

For all the Dad's

Happy Father's Day to my dad and my husband! I always remember specific things from my childhood that only remind me of my dad. For example getting remote control cars for Christmas, my mother would never give me one of those and also going out on the boat, super fun! I hope Jude, when he's older, will have these memories of just things that he did with his dad.

Kids will be kids

I look at my son most days and i try to remember what it was like to be a kid. Honestly most of the time it doesn't feel like it was that long ago when i was playing in my kiddie pool...oh wait, that's probably because it wasn't, it was yesterday. Difference is, i was having a drink.. But you get my drift right? i mean to really play.... innocently, enthusiastically, with no preconceived notions about anything. When you become a parent a lot of that seems to disappear. You now have to be the responsible one. Every day I need to feed and cloth my child and hope that he makes it through to see another day. Some days i feel the same as when i was 17 but i know i'm not the same person who drove around in the '85 Nova with a license plate that read "80's Hair". Life has shone it's sun on me and beat it's rain so hard that I barely have had room to come up for air. I don't have control over everything and that's ok. Most of the time it's better to relinquish the control, the freedom to be yourself takes over and ultimately the kid in you can finally come out and play!

Tug of war

"In your mind, nothing and everything is true, where your feet end up, is up to you." 
                 -me