The other day i found myself in one of those chain super sports stores. You know, the one's with golf clubs, kayaks, clothing, baseballs, weights and....candy,yes candy. I'm not exactly sure why bright colored sugar chews are being sold along side thigh masters and ab machines, but whatever sells, right?? This is America after all, actually i'm surprised they don't sell beer. They would probably claim that it fits in with the camping supplies.
Anyway, i was not there to buy gummies, i was there to buy a tennis racket.Although, now that i mention it...ahhh no. Last week, in the middle of practice, i hit a forehand and bing! Yup, there go my strings. The logical thing, in this situation, would be to just get it re-strung but i forgot about it and then it was the day before i had a match. Thanks to my stellar procrastination abilities, my only option was to buy a new one. After much debate and trying to mimic a tennis match to the best of my ability in the store, with a racket that is covered in plastic, i finally chose a bright orange head racket. You didn't think i was going to leave after this, now did you? Silly, i still have to look around. In hindsight, i should have just bolted to the door while throwing my cash at the salesperson. No need to stop and pay, just GO!!! Although,it would have looked a tad clumsy, since i was pushing a stroller and all. So no, i did not leave immediately. Instead i meandered about the clothing section, picking up some random t-shirts, a pair of athletic pants and then i spotted a sports bra i kinda liked. I figured that since Jude was behaving himself, i might as well try this stuff on...fifteen minutes and i'll be outta here. HA!
I put the t-shirt on..."mmmm, yes, very nice if i do say so myself. Ok, i will buy it!" Next i put the pants on. "Awesome, thes are totally cool! Slightly 80's, but cool none the less. I think i will buy them!" Alright, i guess i will try on the sports bra. "Hmmmm...what is going on with this...seems a bit...tight for a medium. Oh shit...WTF...i think it's stuck. No, no...it can't be stuck. There must be some way to loosen it. Ahh, damn...stupid thing is stuck...GOD! What is with this thing!? Ow..i think i pulled a muscle. Yep, definitely stuck." I seriously felt like that kid from "A Christmas Story" who gets his tongue stuck on the pole. Stuck....stuck..stuck!!!
So this pretty much went on for the next twenty minutes. I attempted to rip it off, i tried sliding it off, i tried pulling my arms through the straps another way, but nothing. This thing was not budging. So i stood there thinking for a second about my options. If i had a scissors i would have cut it off but no such luck.
I put my shirt on over the bra, and tried to decide how i was going to approach the sales people. I actually wanted to still look around but i thought it was best that they didn't see me walking though the store with a security tag hanging out the top of my shirt. That would have just topped this whole fiasco, getting arrested for attempted shoplifting when actually the article of clothing was plastered on to me. They could demand i take off the bra, but, haha jokes on you because it's not coming off!!
So i approach the sales girl and told her that this thing is definitely not coming off. She proceeded to call over another sales girl who then decided this was a good time to tell me that this had never happened before. Hooray...i'm the first!Thank you for that. Oh and then she called over yet another person.... i believe a manager this time. Good, so now the whole store thinks i'm a freako.
In the end, they made me pay for it. Clearly i would be returning it because there was no way i would put something on again that doesn't come off!
When my husband came home that night, i told him he needed to help me take it off. I think he thought that maybe i was playing some type of fun sexy game...oohh yes, come help me take it off baby! haha...no, this was serious business that needed tending to. Good thing my husband was there or i could have been stuck forever!
I guess that is what husbands are for...to help you un-stick when you are stuck, even if they do look at you like you are a complete loon.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
A summer haze
Post storm...the sun is just setting behind large thunder clouds. The yellow haze it creates is amazing. It lasts for just a few minutes but very wild, none the less.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
A fly of a different fruit
About a month ago, i bought my husband a giant plastic bin that you are supposed to place in the yard and pile in dirt along with old food scraps. People like to call this a composter. I guess the idea being that instead of throwing your vegetable scraps, coffee grinds and egg shells in just the plain old garbage, taking up precious landfill space, you put them instead in this big enclosed hideous plastic structure and they gradually break down making delicious soil for your garden or yard or whatever. I'm not very clear on the details, i leave that to the person who gardens and that person is not me. I made a go at it once and let's just say that my planting style, ie. "just toss the seeds out the window and on to the soil, they should make their way in to the dirt eventually, same thing as planting just less, well, dirt on my hands." Not too fruitful but i gave an effort.
To go along with this large plastic rotting food bin, you have to buy a separate mini rotting food bin to keep in the kitchen to keep the food bits before you transfer it to the larger bin. Ok fine, might as well add it to the cart...as long as this stuff doesn't smell up my kitchen i will be fine with it. Oh nice, inserts that prevent the smell. But, alas, there is something worse than the smell of rotting vegetable peelings in your kitchen....FRUIT FLIES!!! Where is the anti-fruit fly insert?
These nasty red eyed, pin prick sized bugs have become the bane of my existence as of late. I poured a glass of wine the other day, left it sitting on the counter, went in the other room, came back and there were those big eyes floating lifelessly in my glass. Fruit fly infused wine is not my idea of delicious. It's like all of a sudden a banana goes slightly south of ripe and TA DA..a whole family of flies has taken up residence in my kitchen. Of course it doesn't take long for one fly to turn in to many. Inner family breeding seems to be accepted among this clan. Why, also are there only fruit flies, no vegetable flies or ho ho flies?? Clearly this is a health conscious bunch. Healthy or not, they are not invited for left-overs in my kitchen. I really want to do right by the environment, i recycle my cans, cardboard and plastic. It should just be natural to recycle food. Well, i am finding it to be a major annoyance when every time i go to open up the bin, a cloud of buggyness arises from the rotting contents inside..mmmm tasty. So until i figure out a method of preventing these flies from multiplying and dining on my scraps, my rotting food bucket will stay outside. This totally defeats the whole convenience of it all, but this is the best alternative i can think of.
To go along with this large plastic rotting food bin, you have to buy a separate mini rotting food bin to keep in the kitchen to keep the food bits before you transfer it to the larger bin. Ok fine, might as well add it to the cart...as long as this stuff doesn't smell up my kitchen i will be fine with it. Oh nice, inserts that prevent the smell. But, alas, there is something worse than the smell of rotting vegetable peelings in your kitchen....FRUIT FLIES!!! Where is the anti-fruit fly insert?
These nasty red eyed, pin prick sized bugs have become the bane of my existence as of late. I poured a glass of wine the other day, left it sitting on the counter, went in the other room, came back and there were those big eyes floating lifelessly in my glass. Fruit fly infused wine is not my idea of delicious. It's like all of a sudden a banana goes slightly south of ripe and TA DA..a whole family of flies has taken up residence in my kitchen. Of course it doesn't take long for one fly to turn in to many. Inner family breeding seems to be accepted among this clan. Why, also are there only fruit flies, no vegetable flies or ho ho flies?? Clearly this is a health conscious bunch. Healthy or not, they are not invited for left-overs in my kitchen. I really want to do right by the environment, i recycle my cans, cardboard and plastic. It should just be natural to recycle food. Well, i am finding it to be a major annoyance when every time i go to open up the bin, a cloud of buggyness arises from the rotting contents inside..mmmm tasty. So until i figure out a method of preventing these flies from multiplying and dining on my scraps, my rotting food bucket will stay outside. This totally defeats the whole convenience of it all, but this is the best alternative i can think of.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Own your meat
Mission: To eat meatless until the first of July. Forecast for the mission: Partly cloudy with a chance of meatballs or partly sunny with a chance of soy faux meatless balls. Wait, hold on! Abort, abort!!! Sizzling, juicy, meaty sausages with fried onions ahead! Alcohol has entered in to the equation...clouded judgment and irresistible smells attacking from all directions! We're going down, helllllllllppp!
So, what was that...four days? I'm sorry, i couldn't help myself. As much as i like vegetables, i need them served with a side of animal flesh. Surprisingly though, i don't feel guilty. I actually feel back to being balanced and isn't that what your life is supposed to be? Everything in moderation. Really, i blame the twins game.... chicken, beef and pork galore. You don't see people sitting around munching on carrot sticks and having green juice while watching sweaty guys in striped uniforms swing their big bats at tiny balls. Exactly, you see people drinking beer and eating processed meat products stuffed in a tube on a bun. Sorry, but my tube full of meat with sauerkraut on top tasted pretty spectacular. Say what you will..i have no willpower, easily influenced blah blah blah. Honestly i don't really care because this is my life and i prefer to have a good time with no restrictions.
Is there a lesson learned here? Yes, don't deny me my food pleasures unless you want to see a side of me that comes out full force when my options are limited. This is America after all. As Oprah would say "Own your life, own your choices." So that is what i choose to do...wait, was that Oprah, well if it wasn't..let me know.
So, what was that...four days? I'm sorry, i couldn't help myself. As much as i like vegetables, i need them served with a side of animal flesh. Surprisingly though, i don't feel guilty. I actually feel back to being balanced and isn't that what your life is supposed to be? Everything in moderation. Really, i blame the twins game.... chicken, beef and pork galore. You don't see people sitting around munching on carrot sticks and having green juice while watching sweaty guys in striped uniforms swing their big bats at tiny balls. Exactly, you see people drinking beer and eating processed meat products stuffed in a tube on a bun. Sorry, but my tube full of meat with sauerkraut on top tasted pretty spectacular. Say what you will..i have no willpower, easily influenced blah blah blah. Honestly i don't really care because this is my life and i prefer to have a good time with no restrictions.
Is there a lesson learned here? Yes, don't deny me my food pleasures unless you want to see a side of me that comes out full force when my options are limited. This is America after all. As Oprah would say "Own your life, own your choices." So that is what i choose to do...wait, was that Oprah, well if it wasn't..let me know.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
A clouded experiment
The other night the husband and I went out to celebrate our two year anniversary...yes, i have been legally committed to the same person for two years, you can now pick your jaws up off the floor.
Anyway, we got a babysitter that cost too much money so we could go have a few drinks and then be sandwiched in between sweaty people to listen to a band that while good, made my ears feel like they had been invaded by tiny people obsessively ringing bells over and over...and over. I have now entered adult hood. I am annoyed by loud music, strangers inadvertently touching me and invading my space and while i am supposed to be having fun i find myself wanting to be under my comforter getting cozy with my bed. Oh and for the better part of the night i was psychotically worried that the Jude baby was suffocating in his crib while the babysitter sat texting on her phone. Just for the record, our babysitter is very responsible and i was texting her, so maybe i'm contributing to the problem. Hooray for going out! Ok so i don't sound like a total downer, the husband and I had nice conversation over our beers but i think that i may have been a bit tipsy because we made a pact, or challenge or something to that effect. We decided that we are giving up meat for the remainder of June. Alcohol is a dangerous, dangerous drug people! Do not commit to any important life altering decisions while using. I love meat...i don't know what i was thinking!! I guess it's for only two weeks and it's not like we ate tons before so, hopefully i won't go too crazy. Although something happens in my brain the minute i tell myself i can't have something. I immediately want to rebel. I start thinking "what, no meat...forget that...i can eat whatever i want whenever i want. Now, who wants some double cheeseburgers?"
I do think Americans consume an overabundance of meat and most of it produced without regard to health or fairness to the animal. That being said, i am excited to take on this challenge, despite it's short length. Who knows, maybe it will be the beginning to something amazing!
Anyway, we got a babysitter that cost too much money so we could go have a few drinks and then be sandwiched in between sweaty people to listen to a band that while good, made my ears feel like they had been invaded by tiny people obsessively ringing bells over and over...and over. I have now entered adult hood. I am annoyed by loud music, strangers inadvertently touching me and invading my space and while i am supposed to be having fun i find myself wanting to be under my comforter getting cozy with my bed. Oh and for the better part of the night i was psychotically worried that the Jude baby was suffocating in his crib while the babysitter sat texting on her phone. Just for the record, our babysitter is very responsible and i was texting her, so maybe i'm contributing to the problem. Hooray for going out! Ok so i don't sound like a total downer, the husband and I had nice conversation over our beers but i think that i may have been a bit tipsy because we made a pact, or challenge or something to that effect. We decided that we are giving up meat for the remainder of June. Alcohol is a dangerous, dangerous drug people! Do not commit to any important life altering decisions while using. I love meat...i don't know what i was thinking!! I guess it's for only two weeks and it's not like we ate tons before so, hopefully i won't go too crazy. Although something happens in my brain the minute i tell myself i can't have something. I immediately want to rebel. I start thinking "what, no meat...forget that...i can eat whatever i want whenever i want. Now, who wants some double cheeseburgers?"
I do think Americans consume an overabundance of meat and most of it produced without regard to health or fairness to the animal. That being said, i am excited to take on this challenge, despite it's short length. Who knows, maybe it will be the beginning to something amazing!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
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