Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Priceless moments

For the past couple of days i have been suffering from what i believe is called "Pregnancy Brain". It has to do with all those crazy circulating hormones and i suppose they have to wedge themselves in somewhere so a logical place would be in your brain, interrupting all normal thought processes.
Saturday afternoon i was just casually minding my own business in my own house when i get a knock at the door. I hate people coming to my door. My first thought is always "this person will probably murder me" and of course when these murderers come knocking my husband is always MIA. Since i was just lounging on the couch and the dogs were acting like spazoids i had no choice but to answer. I step outside and this guy in athletic shorts is standing in front of me ready to give his pitch. It's these times that i wish they were the save the environment people, at least you feel somewhat comfortable in assuming they are naturally peaceful and well intentioned individuals. This guy was not one of those. His opening line was "are you a vegetarian?" I should have said yes, but because my brain was malfunctioning due to an excess of hormones of course i said no way, me, never! That's when i glanced up and saw his rusted van parked across the street...hmmmm. A normal non-pregnant functioning person would have closed the door right there. So after a couple of half assed attempts to make him go away i gave in a bought practically a whole cow. Of course my normal brain functioning kicked in and i googled this company and realized i had just bought a freakin' cow from a business with questionable practices. Obviously the meat is all government inspected, i'm not that dumb, yet.....and we have eaten some of the meat and seem to still be alive. So if a rusted van pulls up at your door and asks if you are a vegetarian, just say yes!
If the meat episode wasn't enough, this morning i get in my car to go to my dr's appointment and realize half way down the street that i forgot these three bubble wrapped packages i needed to mail. So i reverse, and put the car in neutral while i run inside. You cannot leave a 5 speed car in neutral, especially on a slight incline, i found out. I'm inside trying to wrangle the dogs in the kitchen and grab my packages and out the front window i see my car rolling backwards toward a busy street of incoming traffic...shit! A logical person would have dropped everything and just run out there, but no, i had to grab my stuff first and lock the door before psychotically running across the neighbors yards toward my automatically reversing car. I did manage to successfully enter a moving vehicle with packages in hand and stop the car before any damage was done. I just hope no one saw this whole fiasco out their living room window...the psycho pregnant girl running after her moving car...nice.
All i can say is i hope the research is right and you become SMARTER after you birth a child.

1 comment:

  1. Wow, meat from a door-to-door meet vendor and stunt woman level moves while pregnant? Do we need to keep you under watch?