Sometimes i feel like i expect too much out of life; that I am too demanding of my needs and wants. I suppose it's all perspective....
Then i feel it is MY life and how else can you be, really?!
Learning to really be yourself, truly yourself takes time. Honestly i don't think i'm there yet. I'd like to say that i have come in to my own, but i know i have a little ways to go. That being said i know what i like, and what i want. Sometimes it's easier to express that, sometimes i feel more comfortable with being me.
Even when you become a mother there are pressures coming at you from all angles to be this kind of mother or that kind of mother...how about i just be the kind of mother that i want to be. No preconceived notions, just the best that i can be. I think that is just the best that i can be in all situations essentially.
When i find myself craving more, it doesn't matter what, more free time, more alone time, more time with my friends, more time with my husband, just MORE, i start to compare my life with others. Is this what everyone else wants? Or is this just.....me.
I do think my expectations out of life are slightly elevated, i want what i want, i just can't help that and i definitely will not apologize for it. Than there is the guilt, but is the guilt necessary? No, probably not. Then why do so many people feel guilt?
Oh just be happy with what you have, is what people will tell you. That's all fine and everything but what if you want more? Should i be made to feel guilty if what i have is good but maybe not quite good enough? What is good enough anyway? Uhhh it's enough to drive the most person insane..and really there is no one that is sane enough. THat's right, we're all insane. To a certain extent.....
When you are truly living, yes, you are living in the moment but there is always a hunger, just a little but of a rumbling for more. If that is missing then what are you striving for? Life is filled with routine, fine....yes accept that, but there is so much else that your life can be.
I guess i just want to ask the question when is a little too little and a lot just too much?
The line is fine and where to draw it is anybody's guess....
Oh I get it. You are just climbing into my head and sharing thoughts. Because this is EXACTLY what I have been thinking about the past few days. And months. And this whole life?
ReplyDeleteIf it takes a million lifetimes to try and figure out what you want, I will do it:)
ReplyDeleteAnd...oh wait, that fillet of fish jingle from McDonald's is playing in the next room...what was I thinking again:)