Somebody is 1 year old!

And that somebody is Jude!

Happy Birthday to my little buddy, oh wait, i guess that is big buddy as of today!

My life has changed for the better because of his smiling face and big blue eyes.

You are loved my little beau, no doubt about that.

Out and about

Oh fall....i totally love you but sometimes i am not ready to let you hypnotize me with your crackly leaves, then i really must accept that summer is gone and winter is not far off in the distance.

YUM!

 

The other day i wanted to see if Jude could eat a banana properly, and by properly i mean one bite at a time. Although i'm not really sure how people normally eat banana's because i have a hatred of them, i think the texture is repulsive. I can eat banana cake however, if you know, you decide you want to bake me one.

I guess i should not have been shocked when i handed him half a banana and he shoveled the whole thing in his mouth.
Dude! Slow down, we have more now that we gave our monkey back to the zoo.

I must say it is nice to have someone eating with such gusto and enthusiasm. And, i also have a breakfast, lunch and dinner eating companion. It gets lonely eating by yourself all the time and usually the husband is tired when we sit down to dinner, so conversation is sparce at times. Although, he does seem to have enough focus to read magazines and the paper while we are eating...hmmmm maybe we should just start reading articles out loud in place of real conversation. Doesn't that sound fun Jude??!

I am very hopeful however, that through slow and steady mind manipulation he will be my little culinarian and then proceed to talk about food with me all day long, oh and then we will talk about the food we made while we consume our delicious feast.
We will go to the cheese shop and taste all the delicious imported cheese, he will then ask me if we should get some quince jam to go along with the Mancego we just purchased. I will of course say, absolutely, yes! Then off to the bakery to buy our bread for the day and finally to Whole foods because he will like looking at the rainbow of color in the produce section. Ahhhh, i can see it now.....

Hey, a girl can dream, right?

black and white weekend

I love black and white photographs. Maybe because i'm used to seeing everything in color. I guess i just like the elegance and simplicity they seem to portray.
Cheers to an elegant and simple labor day!

Oh, Beau

Hello, world. My name is Jude and it's a good thing i am so unbelievably cute. My mommy is trying to stop breastfeeding me but i have other plans. As long as i can continue to wake up multiple times at night and refuse to go back to sleep until I get what i want, well, i've pretty much got it made.
Yes, mother, i will forever be attached to you...whether you like it or not.

Yellow gloves

Tonight i was wandering about amongst the aisles at Target (yes that's right, wandering, i had no child with me, i am allowed to wander aimlessly) when in the middle of the cracker aisle i see them.

Yellow gloves!!! You know, the kind people use when they are really serious about cleaning. Gloves that i have never owned because, well, when have i ever been really serious about cleaning?? Waste of money in my opinion....
These were not yellow gloves in a package but yellow gloves being worn by a woman who looked like maybe she shouldn't yet have been released from the institution. She was examining a box of Keebler cookies as i passed by, and i was trying not to stare at the blazing brightness of her yellow rubber hands while i tried to figure out what exactly was going on.
I know, i know....i'm so mean and just so quick to put people who are concerned with germs in to the loony category. But, come on! Isn't that why they make hand sanitizer??? I guess i should be one to talk and she should probably be afraid to touch anything that i touched seeing my child has hand, foot and mouth disease.
Don't worry though, lady, at least i didn't bring him and his infected saliva with me.

What's for dinner??!

Today i want to talk about food. And what else can there possibly be to say about food, you ask?
I know, i know, people write books about food, they blog on and on about the best way to cook risotto or truss a chicken; numerous articles and essays are written on chopping, prepping, baking and eating. What is there left to say???!!!

Oh plenty, plenty my friends.....pull up a seat, munch on something sweet and read on.

I seem to perpetually be in a food dilemma. I find myself constantly (and consistently) conflicted between eating in and eating out. I love going to the the grocery, farmer's market and specialty food stores. Aisles upon Aisles of delicious possibility. Every product in a neat row, labels aligned and promising flavor nirvana to those who choose to partake. Fancy condiments and jams galore, exquisite pasta from Italy, fresh farm asparagus so green you start to wonder where the murky green asparagus comes from that you are forced to buy in the dead of winter. It's just too much for one food loving person to take! When i really start to ponder exactly how many food options exist, i freeze, mid aisle. My feet don't move, my eyes glass over, i hear a voice "can i help you miss?" When i realize i have just been staring blankly at a box of preservative packed snack cakes for the last five minutes, i know it's time to go. Who actually buys this stuff anyway?? Or more accurately, who actually thinks it's a good idea to concoct and feed this stuff to our children??
Clearly somebody or the product wouldn't be staring back at me in prime eye level location. Just another evil marketing ploy...but not this time delicious yet horribly bad for you snack cake...not this time!!

All of these products and ingredients can be enough to make anyone crazy excited to throw them together and ta da...you have a meal, or something resembling a meal. What constitutes a meal anyway? I'll leave that for open interpretation.....

As you can see i have a passion for buying food, and occasionally actually doing something with the stuff i do buy, but more often than not i don't feel like cooking. This could be due to just pure laziness on my part, but what is really lurking in the back of my mind is knowing that there exists so many delicious options for food where all you have to do is decide, pay and eat. Whether it be in restaurants, deli counters or food carts; food that tastes amazing and results in basically no dirty dishes is absolutely fantastic in my book.
One day i feel like eating pad thai with shrimp, ok, i can eat it without buying a bazillion ingredients and turning my kitchen inside out, then being left with an awkward half lemongrass stalk and a full bottle of fish sauce. Actually i did attempt pad thai...definitely the first and last attempt, unless i want sub-par dry rice noodles with no flavor again. Some things are better off left to those who know what they're doing and who do it everyday.
A lot of cooking shows now like to do segments on 30 minute meals, especially one's where they re-invent take out. First of all, they don't take in to consideration the shopping time it takes to get the ingredients or how long it takes to prep and store the ingredients after bringing them home. After all is said and done, at least an hour has gone by and your starving husband has asked you three times in the last 10 minutes when dinner will be ready. Sorry, the recipe never mentioned how long it takes to get everything ready needed to cook the actual food! I say if it was originally meant for take out, leave it to the people who do it best, the restaurant.

It's a tough and a pretty consistent dilemma of what to eat. Usually it's an enjoyable process for me, but in the end you have to just listen to your stomach. Consider the effort you want to put forth and either go to the grocery store armed with a plan or pick up the phone and tell that person on the other side that you soooo need some spicy yellow curry or your day won't be complete. I'm sure they'll understand, they are there to fulfill your food cravings morning, noon and night. And rest assured they won't judge you, even if you do order the same thing for a week straight. It's ok if you just really couldn't be bothered to pick up a frying pan. No judgement, even if you did just pay a hundred bucks for that sparkly stainless steel one at the gourmet cooking ware store. It will get used eventually and until then, it will at least look nice as part of your kitchen decor!

Wonderful weekend

The weekends go by so fast, but by the time it's Monday you realize that you've probably packed in a weeks worth of activities in those two days. It's kind of like when you get back from a vacation, you need a vacation from that vacation...a recovery period of sort.
Even though i don't technically have to go to work on Monday, Saturday and Sunday still have the feel of being the two days that are meant for fun carefree activities.
This last weekend was a perfect example of that. Shopping for fresh food in the sun, a refreshing cherry vodka lemonade by the pool (a kiddie pool mind you) but a pool none the less and beers with limes and a movie with friends. All in all, enough to leave one semi relaxed and looking forward to the next weekend.

And then i was stuck

The other day i found myself in one of those chain super sports stores. You know, the one's with golf clubs, kayaks, clothing, baseballs, weights and....candy,yes candy. I'm not exactly sure why bright colored sugar chews are being sold along side thigh masters and ab machines, but whatever sells, right?? This is America after all, actually i'm surprised they don't sell beer. They would probably claim that it fits in with the camping supplies.
Anyway, i was not there to buy gummies, i was there to buy a tennis racket.Although, now that i mention it...ahhh no. Last week, in the middle of practice, i hit a forehand and bing! Yup, there go my strings. The logical thing, in this situation, would be to just get it re-strung but i forgot about it and then it was the day before i had a match. Thanks to my stellar procrastination abilities, my only option was to buy a new one. After much debate and trying to mimic a tennis match to the best of my ability in the store, with a racket that is covered in plastic, i finally chose a bright orange head racket. You didn't think i was going to leave after this, now did you? Silly, i still have to look around. In hindsight, i should have just bolted to the door while throwing my cash at the salesperson. No need to stop and pay, just GO!!! Although,it would have looked a tad clumsy, since i was pushing a stroller and all. So no, i did not leave immediately. Instead i meandered about the clothing section, picking up some random t-shirts, a pair of athletic pants and then i spotted a sports bra i kinda liked. I figured that since Jude was behaving himself, i might as well try this stuff on...fifteen minutes and i'll be outta here. HA!
I put the t-shirt on..."mmmm, yes, very nice if i do say so myself. Ok, i will buy it!" Next i put the pants on. "Awesome, thes are totally cool! Slightly 80's, but cool none the less. I think i will buy them!" Alright, i guess i will try on the sports bra. "Hmmmm...what is going on with this...seems a bit...tight for a medium. Oh shit...WTF...i think it's stuck. No, no...it can't be stuck. There must be some way to loosen it. Ahh, damn...stupid thing is stuck...GOD! What is with this thing!? Ow..i think i pulled a muscle. Yep, definitely stuck." I seriously felt like that kid from "A Christmas Story" who gets his tongue stuck on the pole. Stuck....stuck..stuck!!!
So this pretty much went on for the next twenty minutes. I attempted to rip it off, i tried sliding it off, i tried pulling my arms through the straps another way, but nothing. This thing was not budging. So i stood there thinking for a second about my options. If i had a scissors i would have cut it off but no such luck.
I put my shirt on over the bra, and tried to decide how i was going to approach the sales people. I actually wanted to still look around but i thought it was best that they didn't see me walking though the store with a security tag hanging out the top of my shirt. That would have just topped this whole fiasco, getting arrested for attempted shoplifting when actually the article of clothing was plastered on to me. They could demand i take off the bra, but, haha jokes on you because it's not coming off!!
So i approach the sales girl and told her that this thing is definitely not coming off. She proceeded to call over another sales girl who then decided this was a good time to tell me that this had never happened before. Hooray...i'm the first!Thank you for that. Oh and then she called over yet another person.... i believe a manager this time. Good, so now the whole store thinks i'm a freako.
In the end, they made me pay for it. Clearly i would be returning it because there was no way i would put something on again that doesn't come off!
When my husband came home that night, i told him he needed to help me take it off. I think he thought that maybe i was playing some type of fun sexy game...oohh yes, come help me take it off baby! haha...no, this was serious business that needed tending to. Good thing my husband was there or i could have been stuck forever!
I guess that is what husbands are for...to help you un-stick when you are stuck, even if they do look at you like you are a complete loon.

A summer haze

Post storm...the sun is just setting behind large thunder clouds. The yellow haze it creates is amazing. It lasts for just a few minutes but very wild, none the less.

A fly of a different fruit

About a month ago, i bought my husband a giant plastic bin that you are supposed to place in the yard and pile in dirt along with old food scraps. People like to call this a composter. I guess the idea being that instead of throwing your vegetable scraps, coffee grinds and egg shells in just the plain old garbage, taking up precious landfill space, you put them instead in this big enclosed hideous plastic structure and they gradually break down making delicious soil for your garden or yard or whatever. I'm not very clear on the details, i leave that to the person who gardens and that person is not me. I made a go at it once and let's just say that my planting style, ie. "just toss the seeds out the window and on to the soil, they should make their way in to the dirt eventually, same thing as planting just less, well, dirt on my hands." Not too fruitful but i gave an effort.
To go along with this large plastic rotting food bin, you have to buy a separate mini rotting food bin to keep in the kitchen to keep the food bits before you transfer it to the larger bin. Ok fine, might as well add it to the cart...as long as this stuff doesn't smell up my kitchen i will be fine with it. Oh nice, inserts that prevent the smell. But, alas, there is something worse than the smell of rotting vegetable peelings in your kitchen....FRUIT FLIES!!! Where is the anti-fruit fly insert?
These nasty red eyed, pin prick sized bugs have become the bane of my existence as of late. I poured a glass of wine the other day, left it sitting on the counter, went in the other room, came back and there were those big eyes floating lifelessly in my glass. Fruit fly infused wine is not my idea of delicious. It's like all of a sudden a banana goes slightly south of ripe and TA DA..a whole family of flies has taken up residence in my kitchen. Of course it doesn't take long for one fly to turn in to many. Inner family breeding seems to be accepted among this clan. Why, also are there only fruit flies, no vegetable flies or ho ho flies?? Clearly this is a health conscious bunch. Healthy or not, they are not invited for left-overs in my kitchen. I really want to do right by the environment, i recycle my cans, cardboard and plastic. It should just be natural to recycle food. Well, i am finding it to be a major annoyance when every time i go to open up the bin, a cloud of buggyness arises from the rotting contents inside..mmmm tasty. So until i figure out a method of preventing these flies from multiplying and dining on my scraps, my rotting food bucket will stay outside. This totally defeats the whole convenience of it all, but this is the best alternative i can think of.

Own your meat

Mission: To eat meatless until the first of July. Forecast for the mission: Partly cloudy with a chance of meatballs or partly sunny with a chance of soy faux meatless balls. Wait, hold on! Abort, abort!!! Sizzling, juicy, meaty sausages with fried onions ahead! Alcohol has entered in to the equation...clouded judgment and irresistible smells attacking from all directions! We're going down, helllllllllppp!

So, what was that...four days? I'm sorry, i couldn't help myself. As much as i like vegetables, i need them served with a side of animal flesh. Surprisingly though, i don't feel guilty. I actually feel back to being balanced and isn't that what your life is supposed to be? Everything in moderation. Really, i blame the twins game.... chicken, beef and pork galore. You don't see people sitting around munching on carrot sticks and having green juice while watching sweaty guys in striped uniforms swing their big bats at tiny balls. Exactly, you see people drinking beer and eating processed meat products stuffed in a tube on a bun. Sorry, but my tube full of meat with sauerkraut on top tasted pretty spectacular. Say what you will..i have no willpower, easily influenced blah blah blah. Honestly i don't really care because this is my life and i prefer to have a good time with no restrictions.
Is there a lesson learned here? Yes, don't deny me my food pleasures unless you want to see a side of me that comes out full force when my options are limited. This is America after all. As Oprah would say "Own your life, own your choices." So that is what i choose to do...wait, was that Oprah, well if it wasn't..let me know.

A clouded experiment

The other night the husband and I went out to celebrate our two year anniversary...yes, i have been legally committed to the same person for two years, you can now pick your jaws up off the floor.
Anyway, we got a babysitter that cost too much money so we could go have a few drinks and then be sandwiched in between sweaty people to listen to a band that while good, made my ears feel like they had been invaded by tiny people obsessively ringing bells over and over...and over. I have now entered adult hood. I am annoyed by loud music, strangers inadvertently touching me and invading my space and while i am supposed to be having fun i find myself wanting to be under my comforter getting cozy with my bed. Oh and for the better part of the night i was psychotically worried that the Jude baby was suffocating in his crib while the babysitter sat texting on her phone. Just for the record, our babysitter is very responsible and i was texting her, so maybe i'm contributing to the problem. Hooray for going out! Ok so i don't sound like a total downer, the husband and I had nice conversation over our beers but i think that i may have been a bit tipsy because we made a pact, or challenge or something to that effect. We decided that we are giving up meat for the remainder of June. Alcohol is a dangerous, dangerous drug people! Do not commit to any important life altering decisions while using. I love meat...i don't know what i was thinking!! I guess it's for only two weeks and it's not like we ate tons before so, hopefully i won't go too crazy. Although something happens in my brain the minute i tell myself i can't have something. I immediately want to rebel. I start thinking "what, no meat...forget that...i can eat whatever i want whenever i want. Now, who wants some double cheeseburgers?"
I do think Americans consume an overabundance of meat and most of it produced without regard to health or fairness to the animal. That being said, i am excited to take on this challenge, despite it's short length. Who knows, maybe it will be the beginning to something amazing!

Rhino Pants

This is what 7 and a half months looks like....

A review

Is it bad that for entertainment on a Friday night, i read my own old blog posts and then proceed to laugh out loud while reading them??
A long time has gone by since i have posted....i will be better...i promise.
Jude is now 6 months...wow..but hooray, summer is almost here!

He's a .....HEARTBREAKER!

Even his foot is cute...come on now...admit it. I can see why he wants to put his foot in his mouth..i will try my hardest not to put it in my mouth. Those toes are just too irresistible though.

Well rounded

I love drinking wine... in a restauran wt....hile eating delicious food with delicious company.
This is exactly what i did tonight.
The taste of red wine when it is that perfect temperature, warming your mouth slightly, and it just slides right down, leaving behind a perfect spiciness and voluptuousness making you want to just make that moment last for ages. Yes, this was my night and it went all too quickly.
The food was great, but for some reason the wine was just, well, perfect. I could have sat there drinking it for ages. I'm sure it helped that i ate many bruschetta topped with everything from Tapenade, to spicy white beans and luxurious artichoke and tuna. Then a salad of candied walnuts, creamy blue cheese and earthy yet spicy red, red beets. If this sounds too good to be true well let me tell you about the main course....a spicy tomato fusilli with pancetta and tiger shrimp. Mmmmmm, yeah, i know. Really there is no need to say more except that we had the tiramisu. Maybe the caffeine in that has allowed me to type this because all that wine surely, well probably, most definitely didn't help. A fuzzy head and a full stomach tells me that this night was an excellent night out with the hubby. Excellent, excellent, yes, and did i mention excellent.

1,2,3,4......can i have a little... wait, A LOT, more?!

Sometimes i feel like i expect too much out of life; that I am too demanding of my needs and wants. I suppose it's all perspective....

Then i feel it is MY life and how else can you be, really?!
Learning to really be yourself, truly yourself takes time. Honestly i don't think i'm there yet. I'd like to say that i have come in to my own, but i know i have a little ways to go. That being said i know what i like, and what i want. Sometimes it's easier to express that, sometimes i feel more comfortable with being me.
Even when you become a mother there are pressures coming at you from all angles to be this kind of mother or that kind of mother...how about i just be the kind of mother that i want to be. No preconceived notions, just the best that i can be. I think that is just the best that i can be in all situations essentially.
When i find myself craving more, it doesn't matter what, more free time, more alone time, more time with my friends, more time with my husband, just MORE, i start to compare my life with others. Is this what everyone else wants? Or is this just.....me.
I do think my expectations out of life are slightly elevated, i want what i want, i just can't help that and i definitely will not apologize for it. Than there is the guilt, but is the guilt necessary? No, probably not. Then why do so many people feel guilt?
Oh just be happy with what you have, is what people will tell you. That's all fine and everything but what if you want more? Should i be made to feel guilty if what i have is good but maybe not quite good enough? What is good enough anyway? Uhhh it's enough to drive the most person insane..and really there is no one that is sane enough. THat's right, we're all insane. To a certain extent.....
When you are truly living, yes, you are living in the moment but there is always a hunger, just a little but of a rumbling for more. If that is missing then what are you striving for? Life is filled with routine, fine....yes accept that, but there is so much else that your life can be.
I guess i just want to ask the question when is a little too little and a lot just too much?
The line is fine and where to draw it is anybody's guess....

Four fabulous months

Happy four months, Jude boy!
xoxo
Mommy

The un-necessary evil

I have read lots of birth stories since Jude was born and even before he was born i had read my fair share. Most of them scared me to death but having now been through it, i can no longer sit and read them as an innocent reader. Still curious, yes but scared, no. I know every birth is different and i respect every woman and the way in which she chooses to bring life in to this world, but i do not appreciate how many stories make hospitals out to be these evil, white walled sterile spaces that do not wish to abide by your wishes. I, for one, had a great hospital experience. I really had no idea what to expect. I am really pleased (looking back) that i went in to labor so early, that i didn't sit around anticipating when the dreaded contractions would occur.
There are certain things called protocols that hospitals have to follow in order to ensure that everyone is getting the necessary treatment. The machines that they use, the medicines that they dose and the "white coats" that they wear are all standard and designed with a purpose in mind. From the moment i walked in to the labor and delivery area ready to be checked in, i had nothing but the best care. Professional, yet personable, knowledgeable yet down to earth, all the staff was on top of everything. Not once did i have a doubt in my mind about how i was being cared for. This little baby boy that was coming in to this world 4 weeks ahead of time was going to be in the best hands possible. Of course there is worry and anticipation but most of my worry was alleviated because of the care that i received. I just wish that more people would embrace the fine and intricate dance that is the hospital birth process. It's not all bad, especially because you end up with a very well cared for mother and baby.

Crisis!

Help! I am having a hair crisis people! Ever since cutting my hair and not really getting a cut i love, i have felt very unsatisfied. I see photo's of all these celebrity hair styles and want to try them all!
Some days i want to cut my hair all off and have it crazy short but then other days i want my long flowing locks back. This photograph has been my inspiration as of late. I have turned in to a hair schizophrenic! Actually i have been very indecisive about quite a few things lately...i'll blame the weather. I'm being couped up indoors, being left alone with just my thoughts and a small child can sometimes be a very dangerous combination. Or is it being left alone with a bottle of tequila, some salt and limes that is the dangerous combo? Well if you go to the store and there is a shortage of limes, you'll know it's the latter.

The everyday

This is my everyday...i enjoy it most of the time. I don't report to anyone but myself. In a way, Jude is my boss...my day is dictated according to his mood and his needs. I guess that is not un-like any (adult) boss! Mine doesn't wear a suit though and hopefully your boss doesn't get their meals from your boobs. Might want to take that up with HR if that's the case....

Involuntarily volunteering

When you find out you're going to have a baby, the first thing you do is take another pregnancy test because clearly that one was no good. After you spend another twenty dollars to find out the same thing you already knew, you begin to envision your life with a baby. You think about all the walks you will take together, the fun shopping excursions, visits to the zoo and visits with the grandparents. What you don't think about is how you will spend the other vast majority of your days. All those other things, they take up, like two hours of your time, the other 5 bazillion hours are free to do, haha well not free exactly, but they are hours that need to be filled. Let me tell you exactly what they are filled with, especially if it's 10 degrees and snowing out. First, feedings...the child needs to eat right?? Then there is the diaper changing, the changing from the pajamas in to a new outfit, then changing that outfit after it has either been soaked by the mass quantities of drool or mass quantities of other not so nice substances from the other end. When the child is finally presentable the entertainment can now begin. Oh yes and you must have many tricks up your sleeve because right now the most entertaining thing to them is....their own fists. Hmmmmm...feeling bored, stick your fist in your mouth...problem solved. Unless you have forgotten that you have hands...oh wait there they are, haha surprise there they are AGAIN the most interesting thing in the whole world. Don't forget the loud sucking noises that must accompany the discovery of the fist in the mouth entertainment. Oh wait, bored of this, what's next? How about a bright colored object to dangle in front of them. A couple of smiles and then, oh wait, nope let's walk around the house for a bit instead. You're feeling tired?? No, impossible, this child is definitely not ready for a nap. Are you ready to find out what happens next????! Well just put the above on repeat and there you have your life for at least the first 6 months, possibly longer or at least until summer arrives.
I used to think i had a problem doing monotonous work but i do essentially the same thing everyday (still better than sitting in a cubicle). Sometimes i read "The big red Barn" instead of "Baa baa, la la la"..... i know, it's wild. This is the day to day life of living with someone who is completely dependent on you. You do their laundry, you change their clothes and give them a bath. You are in charge of their entertainment and are responsible for their food and your food. Just when you think that the responsibilities will never end, they seem to just start all over again. I think that if people really could anticipate and prepare for this, they wouldn't want to do it. It's challenging and grueling, predictable yet unpredictable, exhaustive and humbling. Some days i just want quiet and to pull the covers back over my head. I knew what i was giving up the moment i saw that double pink line appear on that over-priced piece of plastic. I could imagine what the life that lay ahead of me was going to be like, but what i couldn't ever imagine, EVER, EVER, was the feeling that i would get every time his big blue eyes would look in to mine,that i was who he was recognizing as his mother. I am now one of those people shedding tears at random tv shows and commercials with children, i was always immune from this stuff! It really is amazing that people voluntarily sign up for this lifestyle..seriously now, are you people all on crack??!! Yes, yes..it does seem to appear that way...carry on then.

A snowy start

I am sick of winter. There. I said it. Even so, it was still somewhat lovely when i went out for a quick jaunt in the snow with the pug. Emma loves the snow and her face always ends up looking like she just ate a large box of powder sugar donuts. Hmmm come to think of it, i wish i had a big box of sugar covered donuts RIGHT THIS SECOND. I spent the last few days with some strange stomach issue.... i think i may have lost a few pounds. No time like the present then to gain them right back!

New hair (same baby)

The other night i finally decided to do it...get my hair cut, that is. I had been thinking about it on and off for the last month or so and because i have an extreme paranoia of the stylist butchering my hair, i waited way too long. I finally got to the point that anything would look better that what was currently going on with the scariness that i was pulling back in to a ponytail everyday.
So, i called up my go to salon and of course my usual stylist had gone somewhere else. Go figure, i find someone good and then she leaves me. Since i was in desperate mode at that point, i went with who the girl on the phone recommended. Note to self....do not get so desperate that you will let anyone with scissors who claims to be a "stylist" within 50 ft of your hair. You probably will regret it..just saying.
Anyway, i get to the salon and meet my "stylist"...a slightly peppy looking highlighted, wide eyed 30 something ..hmmm ok...whatever. I give her very specific instructions as to how i want my hair cut. Usually i let the sylist dictate because i really have no idea what would look good but this time i was very pleased with myself for knowing exactly what i wanted. I told her and angled bob, shorter in the back with a very definite angle toward the front. So she was cutting away and everything seemed to be going fine and then she started to blow dry my hair. Hmmm, seems a little soon...she'd only been cutting for like 10 mins. She reassured me she would be "touching things up" after my hair was dry.
And then before i knew what had happened she was like "ok, how does that look?" Wait, what??? Where is the angle? Does the back look shorter, um not quite..looks the same as the front. Apparently her definition of an "angle" is different than mine, because this was more like a slight slant. I guess i should have brought my protractor and given her a specific angle measurement, maybe 47.5 degree angle would have been clearer.
After wrinkling my nose and staring at the mirror for a second i informed her that i needed more of an angle, oh and shorter in the BACK! Like i had said before. I thought that we were clear on that....well after more cutting away i guess we weren't. FINALLY, after the fourth redo i was looking alright. I knew if i kept asking her to fix it i would end up with no hair so i decided to cut my losses and just figured it would grow out and then i could have it fixed.
As you can see by the picture, Jude is not too happy by my change in hair. I think he's over it now though. He probably figured best not to protest the person who gives him nourishment

What i now, know for sure

Sorry Oprah, i don't want to steal your thunder but i now know for sure that i have found the most perfect dessert. This is what i want to take with me on long journeys, i would save this in the event of a fire and this is also what i want to curl up next to when i go to bed at night (sorry husband o'mine)but you better make room for the smoothness and creaminess that is this pudding. I think right in between our pillows will be perfect.
My quest for pudding deliciousness started late last week. "I am going to make a delicious pudding" i said, so that is what i set out to do. So i gathered my ingredients, eggs, sugar, chocolate, cream and vanilla. I followed the recipe and i made sure that the little puddings were tucked snugly in their water bath. Something happened, in the end, the little puddings got too hot and so i ended up with coagulated chocolate eggness. They tasted alright but were downright unpleasant to look at. At this point i was annoyed with the water bath method, too much work so i made my second attempt and went sans egg yolks and tried the traditional cornstarch recipe. Oh and this time i was going to attempt butterscotch. Well, this recipe didn't even make it to pudding form. The liquid didn't even touch the cute little ramekins who were eagerly waiting to hold tight their soon to be pudding heaven. No, this recipe failed from the beginning. The hot sugar liquid, scorching the innocent fat globules of the cream, made the whole recipe doomed from the start. Eh, another failure. I will not let the pudding win, i must conquer what is supposed to be a simple little down home dessert. Finally, finally....i have won! The puddings i made today (water bath..oh yes!) were small pots of delightfully sinful chocolate creaminess. I took one bite and i knew that these were well worth the wait. I finished my little ramekin, i obsessed to myself about how good that was and then i had another one. I even left the whipped cream off the second, just so i could savor the pure flavor and texture that this pudding proudly became. I mentioned to the hubby that these are the best ever! He proceeded to tell me that he was waiting until he was hungry to have one. WHAT???? EXCUSE ME??! When there is dessert present that makes your eye balls roll back in your head, YOU EAT IT! No questions asked. Also, i would like to know who is ever actually hungry for dessert in the first place? You don't eat dessert because you're hungry, you eat it because it is delicious and it's there waiting for you to indulge. Anyway, there really are no words to describe the party that was in my mouth tonight..well other than the one's that i have already typed here, so i guess what i mean to say is that there are no other words. Besides, i can't be bothered to type more, i must go to bed and dream about the other pudding that will be waiting for me when i wake up. Oh and most likely the husband's also....don't expect me to wait around until your stomach starts rumbling. Not for this dessert, no siree!

And then you melt

I just couldn't resist....

A term of endearment?

Last week i was asked to fill out a form before i had a massage. When i got to the Employment section i had to stop and think...hmmm what to put? Actually i was really thinking about how this question would affect my massage. Do doctors and lawyers get treated differently than bartenders or exotic dancers..maybe i should try this experiment. Why yes, i work the pole for a living, and you? Yeah, that's right, i got special massage, if you know what i mean. Anyway, i quickly ran through the choices in my head, N/A, Stay at home mom, housewife...definitely NO...so i decided on LOL. Apparently i couldn't just leave it blank, the logical decision.
LOL does not mean Laugh Out Loud, although i would have laughed out loud if i would have read my form. LOL stands for Lady of Leisure. I had thought of this term for myself while i was pregnant because clearly i didn't have enough other things to think about while carrying a human being inside of me. Actually it was at about my 30 week OB/GYN appointment when my doctor asked me if i was working. I said no and she proceeded to tell me i was a lady of leisure...awesome..my doctor is awesome! She clearly understands my line of thinking..and being. Granted i don't lay around all day by the pool eating truffles, my life is pretty good. Yes taking care of a small demanding child is at times constant and tireless, i shouldn't go as far as call it a job. Sitting in a cubicle, answering email all day, while pretending to be engaged is a job. Uh, i would gladly wipe up half digested milk that has been regurgitated in to my hair than do a cost/benefits analysis of some over priced wonder drug any day. Excel is the devil and i refuse to believe, that even if i learned how to properly and efficiently use it, that i would like it. So i will keep my title as lady of leisure. I will wear it proudly, even though my life is not that leisurely, someday again it will be. Until then, i will enjoy the chaos and the unexpected spit up that it brings.

3 months

 

Happy 3 months Jude!

You have brought nothing but joy and happiness in to our lives. It's so exciting watching you grow and change. Your smile lights up the room and your big blue eyes just make my heart melt. Keep up the happiness little buddy!

And then there was pain

After getting all excited last week about the prospect of me joining the same gym as my best friend since fifth grade, i got the three day pass, just to tide me over until we joined for real.
The three day pass is ridiculous if you ask me. If you are getting the three day pass then you probably haven't worked out in a while, so after your first go at actually working out, your body will feel like it is separating itself in several different directions. So really, who actually can go all three days??? WHO i ask you, WHO?????!
Well, I went one of the days and it happened to be to the infamous BODYPUMP class on Saturday. Of course most of the weights that i needed had already been snatched up by evil spandex wearing exercise fiends. Damn you women in tight spandex, give me my 2.5 lb weight! Soooo, i had to do tricep extensions with weights that were just a tad on the heavy side. At the time i was like "pff, i can do this, these aren't THAT heavy" HA, WRONG! Up until this morning i thought something was seriously wrong with my left tricep. I started envisioning months of physical therapy and the prospect that i might never be able to tuck my hair behind my left ear ever again. Ok so that panic lasted all of about five minutes, i'm starting to feel better and thinking about torturing myself all over again this weekend..hooray! Immense pain, here i come! Oh and watch out spandex clad bitches, this time i'm getting my weights!

Yes, it's just like high school

On and off for oh, the last 10 years of my life, i have belonged to a gym. I used to be obsessed with the idea of going to the gym and working out when i was too young for them to legally allow me to operate the weight machines. One of my friends in second grade belonged to an athletic club with her parents and we used to go there to use the pool. I remember on our way in, i would stare longingly at the weight lifting machines, anticipating the time that i too could do leg presses with all the other spandex clad workout fiends. You had to be 13, so clearly i was a deranged 8 year old, longing to workout. Yeah, i was a freak child, ok!?? Fast forward a few years to high school when i finally got my wish and joined the local gym in town. It was basically a large warehouse space that now had a basketball court, a few weights and a couple of treadmills and precor machines. Ha, yes i know, but in the 90's those were all the rage. After all, i lived in a town that consisted of three kwik trips and a subway, enough said. Zanarchy and I would go there during our free hours, which we had a lot of, learning wasn't high on our priority list back then, working out was. Some of our other concerns were what we ate that day, our wardrobe choices and who we made out with the night before. At one point i actually dated a guy who gave me a gym membership for the cool gym in another city.I then proceeded to break up with him the day after he presented this grand gift to me, so trying not to be such a bitch, i paid him back. I couldn't have waited just a few more days.....actually i couldn't this guy was way too much. He actually bought a car so he could drive me around, oh and he brought me flowers EVERY SINGLE time he saw me....it was a bit excessive. This guy also pierced his ear for me and when we would go out we would order booze, because he looked OLD!! I think he was 18 at the time but apparently he passed for 21, so whatever, good for me, i got to drink margaritas with real tequila!
Anyway, back to the gym obsession....
Moving on to college. I worked out quite a bit, since the gym was included in tuition, somehow i still managed to gain the freshman 15. Funny how that works..i hate to think what it would have been like if i didn't go to the gym, freshman 30...eek!
Towards the end of college i met my husband and we joined a gym together.
Ok, now let me start out saying that he is a very disciplined person. Everything he says he is going to do, he does and that includes going to the gym. Yeah, i know, seriously right?! I on the other hand, not unlike a lot of people, can be helter skleter. I get excited, really excited about something and run head on in to it and then something happens, the excitement wares off. THen i'm done, just done.
So this last year i went to the gym maybe 10 times. I was pregnant so i figure that gives me some leeway. Who wants to face the treadmill when there's a pretty good possibility that the cheerios you ate for breakfast could re-emerge at any moment. Yeah, nobody needs to see that. Recently though I told my husband..."Cancel my membership...i can workout with the baby." Ummm, well not exactly. Yes i tote the baby around but i think i need some variety. So conveniently, Zanarchy belongs to the same gym we are thinking of joining. Yes my poor husband, but really he still gets to workout and i gain a workout partner. Let's face it, men aren't the best workout partners. They put on their headphones and are intensely focused for the duration of their workout. Personally i like to chit chat while getting my heart rate up, well that and bitch about the unbelievable thing my husband said to me the other night. So you can clearly see that i need female companionship while at the gym.
Together i think women can rule the world, or in my case encourage and motivate you to attend the gym regularly.

An understated message

Peace is what we all hope for.

I am thankful for the peace in my household tonight.
For the sleeping baby that rests peacefully in his crib.
For the food that is in our refrigerator and the water that runs freely from our faucet.
I can go to bed tonight in my house that is heated.
Life can change in an instant. Be thankful for what you have right now, this moment is what matters.
My heart goes out to those who are affected by the earthquake.
I hope that they can experience peace again.

Small pieces that make a whole